If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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