I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
