How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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