i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
