I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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