I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
too bad you live with your parents still
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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