just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had sex on a roof
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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