I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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