I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
