New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
