It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
