I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
