maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
