So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
