I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
