Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
