He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
