i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
