I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
