Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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