do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As shirtless as possible
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
