Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
