Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
