What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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