He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
