Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
