so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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