If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
