I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
