Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
