if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
