i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
