Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
