I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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