If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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