There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
