My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
