using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
