Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
