i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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