I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
