Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
