I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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