Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
