What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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