Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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