I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
