I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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