I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
