So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
