Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
