Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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