I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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