She's the barista slut.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
