Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
