so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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