You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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