I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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