What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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