dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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