He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
