fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
