the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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