i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
