Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
