I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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