dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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