fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His nipple licking is glorious
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