I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
