at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
