I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
