At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
