I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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