A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
