I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i think im in europe. pls send help
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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