I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
