Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's never too late to be topless.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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