I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
