smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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