there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
