I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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