umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
