i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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