i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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