i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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